Mental Health Check-In - My journey with anxiety and self care strategies.
Anxiety is a bitch.
Every say this to yourself or to friends? I’ve said it for years and while I do still think it SUCKS to have anxiety, I no longer think her to be the cruel bitch I used to. Lemme explain.
Long ago, in therapy in college, my then-therapist had me name my anxiety and negative thoughts as a way to separate myself from them. It’s much easier to tell Brad the negative thought or Karen the driving anxiety to fuck off than it is to tell myself to quit crying and suck it up (that strategy doesn’t work. Trust me, I tried it for years). I decided that my anxiety should have the name Dolores (sorrows in Spanish) and thus began many years of me cursing out and vilifying the entity that was Dolores. The time I couldn’t meet up with friends because the thought of driving into the city (driving = one of my biggest anxieties) made me break down in tears and panic? Oh, that was Dolores bringing me down. The time I cancelled a date with my husband because I hated how I looked in everything I tried on and berated my body and mind? Dolores being a bully to me. And the time I had a full blown hyperventilating, sobbing panic attack in the airport at security? That was Dolores telling me every single worst case scenario that could possibly go wrong. I HATED Dolores. I would think of all the amazing things I could do if only I could be rid of the rat bastardess that was Dolores.
And then this year happened. In January I was at my lowest I’d been for a while. I decided to get back into therapy after quite the hiatus and I started up with a new psychiatrist. My doctor listened to me describe my anxieties, my fears, my past traumas, the issues I was having and I told her about Dolores. She listened, asking a few questions, and then she asked me if I would be willing to rethink my relationship with Dolores. I was kind of floored. Rethink my relationship with the bitch who ruins my life everyday? Okaaaaaaay. Well, it turns out, Dolores has been with me since I was little. And when I went through trauma, she was right there with me, trying to shield and protect me in a variety of ways. That fight or flight response that helped me in dangerous situations? That was Dolores. The thoughts and attitudes that helped me bond with peers and “fit into” society? Dolores trying to help me out. The adrenaline rush that let me know something was REALLY off (yup, she was even part of my intuition) - Dolores. But then I grew up. And I got older. And I internalized a lot of trauma in negative ways. And as I came into new situations, Dolores would come out, thinking she was helping me, when she really wasn’t needed anymore. Driving to a new place? SCARY! MUST FREAK OUT. FIGHT OR FLIGHT! Date night with low self confidence? Let’s think back on all the internalized fat phobia we’ve learned and society’s beauty expectations - PUT THE DRESS BACK GIRL. STAY IN YOUR SWEATS. An alarm going off at security??? Loud noises are a trigger!! DANGER!!! YOU’RE IN DANGER, REACT!
When I thought back on these incidents, I had a new perspective on what was happening in my mind and body. And I stopped hating Dolores. I wanted Dolores to get help so we could BOTH be ok. And this is where I am now. Learning to work WITH Dolores, to show her I’m ok and we can do scary things together. It doesn’t always work. Sometimes Dolores is too loud or too scared, and I can’t soothe her. But that’s ok, because we are making progress and I no longer think badly of EITHER of us when we slip up. We’re both growing, learning, and relearning things, and I’m really proud of us both.
So, what do I do on the days Dolores is acting up? So glad you asked.
I’m a huge fan of lists. Daily to-do lists, books I’ve read lists, projects I want to make lists, lists I’d like to list out lists, you name it, I love it. My therapist and I decided that having a list of strategies and things to do when I’m struggling might be helpful for me. And it REALLY has been. You see, sometimes, Dolores needs a distraction (for my usual anxiety/depression or even if I feel an oncoming panic attack). Other times, she needs acknowledgement (those big or uncomfortable emotions and thoughts that I hate dealing with). And sometimes, she just needs to be allowed to exist (this is the hardest for me). Sometimes, one strategy works one day and fails miserably the next. But that’s why I have a whole list of them. Because 9 times out of 10, ONE of these strategies will work. And if it doesn’t? I go back to the top of the list and try again. I never fail, because I can’t. I just keep trying.
Without further ado, here’s my list of Healthy Self Care Strategies for the days I’m struggling.
Drink a tall glass of water. - I might be dehydrated which can affect SO much in my body and mind.
Breathe and do Grounding Exercises - I use my Calmigo device daily (click here to read my blog post about the amazingness that is Calmigo) to help with breathing and grounding on the go.
Get up and go to a different room. - Sometimes, a change of scenery helps.
Snuggle Rudy or get a hug from the hubby. - Snuggles release oxytocin which give you the warm fuzzies and can combat depression.
Go for a walk outside/sit in the yard with the palm trees. - Nature can work wonders on us. And movement is always a good idea to try!
Journal out my feelings/fears. - Letting my feelings be heard without judgement and written out on paper is really helpful in processing them. It can also be helpful to write out the things I’m afraid of and make a plan for what to do if they happen.
Make a Negative Thoughts T Chart. - In one column, I write the negative thought. In the other, I respond as I would if I friend told me they were thinking this thought. It puts the thought into perspective and helps me be kinder to myself.
Call a friend to chat. - I make sure it’s a friend who is non-judgmental and I feel safe talking to.
Wash dishes/clean up a room. - Accomplishing a task can give you an instant burst of pride and well-being.
Do 5 sun salutations or go for a walk or jog. - Exercise is a known anxiety/depression reliever.
Make a cup of tea or eat some fruit. - More ways to get water/nutrients into me and the act of making tea is quite soothing to me.
Knit or crochet on a self care project. - Yarning (a WIP with no deadline) is meditative and definitely therapeutic.
Reread a chapter of a book I love or rewatch a movie/show. - Knowing the plot makes me feel safe (no scary emotional suprises!) and I love rereading and rewatching stories I’ve enjoyed.
Put on a Spotify playlist I love and veg out/dance/cry/sing out loud. - Release those emotions through music!
Do a 5 minute meditation on Youtube. - I really like the ones with beachy imagery.
Pull some Tarot cards. - Tarot is one of my favorite introspection and self discovery tools.
Take a shower or bath and put on lotion. - Warm water is soothing and being clean, soft, and smelling nice often makes me feel better.
Do some inner child play - Jump rope, research a topic I’m nerding out on just because, swing on the swings, watch a Disney movie, etc.
Take a nap. - Sometimes you do just need to shut out the world and rest is so important to maintaining good physical and mental health.
If I’m able - head to the beach. - Salt water therapy is real and the ocean is my happy place.
Sit with the emotion for a timed period. - This can be really hard. If the emotion feels overwhelming and urgent, I’ve found sometimes I need to let the emotion and thoughts wash over me, but only for 5-10 minutes. When the time is up, I thank my body/mind (maybe jot it down to work on/out later), but remind myself that these feelings and thoughts can’t hurt me and they will pass.
Remind myself this is just a bad day. - Sometimes nothing works, but repeating this to myself helps me realize that I’ve gotten through bad days before and I can get through another. Often this motivates me to go back to step 1 and try to work through my list again.
There you have it! My list of strategies. I add to this list often when I discover something new I think will help me out. Will this list work for you? Maybe! I’d highly suggest taking the strategies you like and combining them with your own ideas to create a Healthy Self Care Strategies list tailored to your needs. I have mine written out and taped in my office and it’s also a bookmarked page in my journal (which I take with me when I travel). If you make it all the way through your list and still can’t shake the feelings, start over at 1. Whether you end up WIPping up a new sweater with hot tea and your pet on your lap or sitting with your emotions and crying it out and then napping for 5 hours, it’s ok. You’re doing your best and that’s all anyone can ask.
You should always talk with your doctor or mental health professional if you feel you are struggling (or even if you feel great! Therapy is for everyone!), but I hope these ideas help you to create a list of strategies that work for you!
Do you have any great suggestions for strategies/activities to add to the list??? Shoot me an email or comment on Instagram to let me know!!!!
